Hi blog..
Jarang la nak post kisah hari Isnin.
Harini , hanya aku dengan Bos je kat office tu.
Bosan. Memang. Tahap gaban.
Pukul 11:00 pagi bos kata dia nak keluar jap. Yang tak tahan tu, katanya nak gi Jalan-jalan.
Wahh bos, kemain lagi.
Tinggal la aku sorang-sorang. Tak tahu nak buat apa, selain kemaskini data dan ada la tiga empat call masuk.
Dalam kepala, Exam, exam exam..
Petang tu tiba-tiba Sayla call.
Hairan juga.. suara di hujung talian dikesan lain.
Ath : Sayla, ko ok ke? kenapa suara macam lain?
Sayla : Ok.. sambil menahan air mata
Ath : cuba cakap dengan aku, siapa buat? yang aku tahu, kalau tak sebab Ridza..siapa lagi?
Sayla : ..aku sedih, aku teringat ..
Huhu.. aku bagi masa dia menangis.. takkan nak terjah dengan soalan-soalan ala wartawan dekat dia time-time ni.
Aku bangun dari tempat duduk dan berjalan menghadap tingkap besar mengadap KL Tower.
Ath : Sayla, dia ada contact ko ke? Anything yang dia cakap buat ko sedih?
Sayla : Aku just teringat. Aku takut... aku tak kuat..
Oh fungsi minda takkala tu seakan gagal. Bab-bab cinta berlainan gender ni, aku memang fail. Sebab diri sendiri pun tak punya kekasih.
Ath : Ko kat mana sekarang? ..(Tanya gaya macam nak datang je.)
Sayla : UM
Ath : Dah solat? & Makan?.. (masa ni, rasa nak ketuk kepala, sebab pantas kerling jam di tangan, hampir pukul 4. Mestilah dah makan & solat.. kot ye pun..haishkk) Gugup pun ada sebenarnya.
Sayla : Dah. Aku tak tau la tirah, kenapa aku lemah sangat.
Ada lagi sisa - sisa tangisan di hujung talian. Pada waktu tu aku tahu, ayat-ayat nasihat
"Time will heal"
"The best yet to come"
"sabar ye ada hikmah..ko doa banyak-banyak"
semua ni seakan hanya teori yang tak boleh pakai waktu orang tengah sedih camni. aku hanya meneka la. Sebab tu semua tak keluar. Aku banyak diam..dan dengar..
kalau aku ada kat sana, InshaAllah akan aku pinjamkan bahu untuk dia menangis. Rasa nak peluk kawan sorang ni.
Ye aku tahu, kita semua pura-pura kuat. Berlagak tabah di luar untuk dapat semangat.
Bila malam, air mata berjuraian kalau tak atas sejadah, atas bantal tekup muka.
Hmm..
Sayla, I know you strong. Fokus Exam ok.
Risau pulak, sebabnya musim exam ni la selalu dia dapat gangguan. Takut tak boleh nk jawap satgi. Nayaa~~~
Sayla : Hmm.. ok
Ath : sorry la, aku tak membantu..
Sayla : ko pun tahu kn, kalau aku dah sampai call ko ni, aku sedih sangat la kn.
Ath : (senyum segaris tanpa perasa).. hmm jangan la pergi tempat-tempat yang banyak kenangan.
Ahh, masa ni aku boleh flash back cerita-cerita dia dengan Ridza, tambah-tambah dah dekat nak Ramdhan. Dia ada la cerita hari-hari dia dengan Ridza berbuka sama-sama. Ridza datang UM nak iftar sama-sama.
Aku yang flashback tanpa mengetahui moment sebenar pun boleh tahu suwiit nya keadaan tu orang bercinta.
Aku yakin. Kalau ada jodoh antara dia dan mamat tu. Allah akan bukak jalan. Cuma sekarang mungkin, dari pihak Ridza, dia tak nak bercouple.
ceyhhh Husnu dzone habis aku ni... yela. Apa-ape2 pun kena positif. Lagi2 lepas Intai2 tweet comment dia. Entah.. Allah je maha mengetahui.
Yakin lah.
Perbualan kami terhenti kerana telefon office berdering..
Nota Hati
Berkata Al-Habib Ali Zainal Abidin Al-Jufri mengenai keadaan anak gadis pada hari ini:
"Bagaimanakah anak-anak gadis pada hari ini? Adakah wanita hari ini masih dalam sifat malu mereka atau mereka menanggalkan rasa malu mereka?
Adakah idola mereka itu masih Saidatina Fatimah Az-Zahra, Saidatina Khadijah Al-Kubra dan Saidatina Aisyah Al-Ridha? Ataupun idola mereka si dia yang menanggalkan rasa malu dan agama?"
Wanita solehah itu dimuliakan Allah dengan ilmu, dan daripadanya lahir juga generasi yang berilmu. Dinukil Al-Habib Muhammad Abdullah Al-Aydrus:
"Wanita yang dimuliakan Allah itu bukan sahaja berilmu, bahkan mereka dapat melahirkan zuriat yang berilmu."
"Al'maratul solehah khairun mina dunya wa ma fiha."
(Wanita solehah itu lebih baik dari dunia dan isinya)
De'MiNDa
We know the truth, not only by the reason, but also by the heart.
I blog to Express, not to Impress.
Journal : Jumaat
Ni cerita Hari Jumaat
Jumaat lepas, pagi-pagi lagi
memang dah pasang niat nak gi Ta’lim di setiawangsa.
3 ke 4 minggu dah tak jejak kaki
ke sana.
Pandang cermin pagi tu masa nak
pakai tudung, cakap pada diri.
"Ready for Jumaat? Awak hanya akan
dapat luruskan badan keesokkan hari tau".
Biasanya 12:30am lebih kurang baru
badan ni dapat jumpa katil.
Masa tengah pin tudung atas
bawah, Otak ligat merencana jadual hari tu,
Kerja semua ok. Takda delay.
Kak Shima tak ada.
Kuliah Muslimat pun semalam dapat
emel katanya cancel.
Rehat 2 jam nak buat apa agaknya.
Yang lain pun busy dengan hal
masing-masing.
Such a lonely girl in a crowded
city.
Tengahari tu, ambil makanan yang
dah di order kat tingkat 21, terserempak dengan Kak Eja & Norish, diorang
ajak gi KLCC.. memang tak la aku nak pi. Cukup la sekali waktu pagi dan petang
tempoh KLCC nun.
Tak ada apa yang menarik pun hari
Jumaat tu kat office. Semuanya biasa-biasa je..
Cuba bagi tahu aku, camana aku
nak cari Nilai dalam rutin harian kalau orang dalam Department ni tak membantu
langsung? Haha
Kot la nak ajak sembang pasal
pergolakkan Syria or Bulan Ramadhan akan datang ni.
Channel kami tak sama.Diam je la
sepi dengan MP3 kat Desktop.
Petang tu pun lagi la
hambar, Member jalan balik pun tak balik
sama.
Naik LRT tu rasa macam kat luar
negara, tak kenal siapa-siapa. Semua buat hal masing-masing.
Start kereta, memecut laju ke
Setiawangsa. Dalam perjalanan
capai Handphone, dail no adik,
Loud speaker di pasang.
Tanya khabar dia walaupun tahu dia sihat walafiat kat sana.
Update sikit. Tak lain yang dia cakap, member dia jemput ke kenduri nanti.
Ahh, tu lagi satu “mark besar” dengan
“redflag” terpacak atas kepala.
Kahwin!
Aku just cakap, Nak exam ni,
doakan ye untuk kakak dia ni.
Malas nak ulas panjang lebar.. Allah belum bagi tanda-tanda.
Sampai je kat Masjid, suhu air
cond menyapa muka. Sejuk. Dah ramai jemaah siap dengan telekung, dengan Quran
dan Kitab di tangan. Mata meliar sekejap mencari kelibat Raihan, tapi tak
nampak..terus ke ruang wuduk.
Lagi 10 minit nak azan Maghrib,
sempat la solat Tahiyatul Masjid. Rasa hilang sesak fikiran satu hari tadi.
Lepas je solat Maghrib berjemaah,
aku bergerak ke Luar duduk di beranda Masjid untuk tunggu solat Isya’
sambil-sambil tu ingat nak kasi habiskan semuka dua ayat-ayat chenta.
Nampak Raihan dan Kakaknya sedang
makan Kebab. Tak tahu macamana nak explain “magnet” dengan Raihan ni.
Ye, kita
rindu pada kawan-kawan.. kalau lama tak jumpa, kita rasa nak sms, WhatsApp,
FBing ..Sebab kita kenal dengan kawan kita tu dekat Kolej, sekolah or Office..
tapi dgn kawan yang kita baru kenal, tu pun dekat Masjid. Macamana nk explain eh?!
Seingat aku salam
perkenalan pertama kami masa Ta’lim bulanan bulan Feb dulu. Boleh kira berapa kali kami jumpa besua muka. dua or tiga..
Tapi bila kita faham, kita
berkawan, bersahabat tu untuk apa, kerana siapa, dekat mana, tak kira bumi mana
pun kita tercampak. Pasti tautan tu ada spark. Kalau nak kata aku over describe
pun takpe, hanya yang merasai je yang memahami.
Ni nak cerita bab kawan sorang
ni, kawan yang lain nanti kita cerita ey.
Nama dia Raihan.
Satu malam, sedang aku
bosan-bosan baring atas katil layan buku..
Notification WhatsApp berdering.
Ingat siapa la.. bila tgok skrin dari Raihan, cepat di baca, mana tau ada Program
Best ke. Panjang WhatsApp text kami malam tu..hampir sejam.
Kami amat jarang contact since
bertukar no Telefon haritu. Setakat tanya kat mana dalam Majlis tu..ada la.
That’s it. Sikit dan rare sangt..bile dia WhatsApp hari Rabu tu yang agak
musykil haha (kening terangkat sebelah)
Dia tanya, Tengah buat apa.. cehh mukadimah yang typical haha
Dah makan? Semua soalan-soalan
yang intro semua dia tanya.. then pause sekejap, tgok status dia typing.. then
stop.. tak ada plak msg yang masuk..
Then aku tanya dia, macam ada
hajat je gaya.. cer cakap ..haha mana tau ada Good News?
Dia kata, tak ada apa-apa, saje
je.. dia kata lagi, tiba-tiba teringat..
Dia kata lagi, dia “kangen”..
Haha sweet nyee.. Ya Allah masa
tu rasa mcam manis sgt la Ukhuwah tu. Kalau nak cakap Manis macam gula pun
tah…tak tahu nak cakap apa.
Gaya orang bercinta? Haha…
Kita baru jumpa orang tu, sekali
dua mungkin.. tapi macamana dia hargai kewujudan kita tu yang membuatkan kita
suka barangkali. Ye, menghargai. Walau tanpa di minta.. tanpa ada ayat penyata.
Dia sambung lagi, kata dia..
Jumaat akan datang dia tak dapat hadir ke Ta’lim sebab ada company retreat.
Then dia add..
“bila nak Hangout? sy mengaku sukela kawan
dengan awak”
Haa ayat ni aku copy sebijik
dalam text.. bukan ayat angkat bakul ok!.
Masa baca ni, aku senyum sorang-sorang sambil pegang telefon..
hahaha
Kenapa tah jiwang pulak minah ni.. macam cakap kat diri sendiri Jiwang! hopeless..
Dalam hati Syukur pada Allah.
Allah ni yang Baik sebenarnya. Yes Indeed. He is sweet & most merciful
Aku reply “Tu la kita jauh la,
Allah jarakkan kita”
SERDANG-KUALA LUMPUR
Raihan : Jauh di mata, dekat di
hati
Ath : InshaAllah ada rezeki nnt,
jumpa la hehe.. tak leh janji.. sbb nanti tak jadi ^^
Ath : So, tgh tgok Tv ke? cerita
apa skg?
Raihan : Dah jarang tgok TV..lepak
bilik je
Ath : Sama la, Sep sep..hehe ada
la satu dua drama yang folo.
Stop sekejap cari idea nak
menyakat dia..
Ath : Ada orang tu kan, kan.. dia
lepak bilik then berangan sorang-sorang..hehe
Raihan : haha, mana tau ni..
malunyee..kikiki eleh, org tu pun kn kn kn..
Ath : haha
Raihan : Kantoi
Chatting goes dgn usik mengusik
macam budak budak.. :P
Ath : eh, Raihan rehat la, mesti
penat Kerja ..kalau dgn saya ni smpai esok pun x tentu lagi hbis..
Raihan : Penat ape nya? Penat
tersengih sorang-sorang depan Henpon adela.
Aku monolog dalam hati
Allah atur cantik sgt. Kite tak
kenal.. sumpah tak kenal. Tapi tah macamane boleh ada heart binding tu…
Ath : saya tgh tersenyum skg
ni.. hehe..
Raihan : saya mengaku, saya senang kwn dgn awk.
Ath :…ouch.. stop stop.. malu
laaa nnt bile jumpe..
Raihan : haha
Ath : nnt dtg Majlis Ta’lim
saya pakai Niqab.. tak la malu sgt.. ahaha nmpak mata je.. ngee
Tak dapat nak bayangkan camane la
diri ni pakai niqab haha
Raihan : Cuba pakai depan
cermin.. nampak la
Ath : macam ni (tunjuk icon
smiley yang pakai mask jerebu tu) haha
Then .. dua – dua diam… tertidur
sampai ke pagi
Itu conversation 2, 3 bulan
lepas..
Jumaat ni, nampak lain kat dia.. cincin yang
berkilat di jari manis. Oo oo!!
Raihan, tu ...cincin aku tunjuk pada jari dia.
Dia senyum dan kata, a'ah awal May
haritu.
Tahniah kepada dia. Sebab haritu
jumpa kami tanya status masing-masing ..dia single aku single. FYI umur dia 27
something..
Sedang dgr ceramah Habib tu, aku
pandang kat dia sekilas, then senyum.
Dia kata “Apa?” aku geleng dan
fokus pada skrin.
Tak sangka dia faham.
Tiba-tiba dia saje landingkan tangan atas
paha kiri aku.. gaya nak sampaikan sesuatu..tapi lambat.
Manja dia ni, sebab selalu nampak dia sandar kepala kat bahu kakak dia..
Tiba-tiba dia slow talk kat
telinga “Jangan risau, percaya pada
Allah”
Meresap terus dalam hati.
Aku berpaling pada dia dan senyum “Thanks”
Kalau dalam majlis macamni,
majlis ilmu.. doa banyak2.. nampak apa2 yang baik yang kita suka.. doa minta
pada Allah.
Walaupun aku dah selalu sangat
dengar, dan dah banyak baca buku pasal waktu2 mustajab doa tapi bila "the right time" tu sampai.. lain rasanya.
Percaya tu bukan setakat kat mulut. Dah ke kita buat? cakap je pandai, tapi risau gundah gulana tu pasai apa?
Athirah Athirah.
haha..
Sayla datang dengan Mustika malam tu. Duduk selang 3 orang line yang sama. Dia lebih selesa dengan Mustika..
Kalau dengan aku, diam je memanjang.. haha Aku ni serius barangkali. Tak kisah la, asalkan kita bahagia, dia gembira..
Sesekali aku pandang dia, kusyuk mendengar. Kawan sorang tu manja juga.. Keras diluar, rangup di dalam.
Baik, semua baik-baik belaka.
Belum lagi masuk bab kawan yang patuh pada ibu bapa. Sanggup tolong orang, senyum sepanjang masa.
Semua ada. Nak sebut satu-satu.. diorang tahu la siapa dia. :)
hmm
Habib Ali berangkat ke England malam tu jugak lepas Majlis. Pengorbanan pendakwah ni tak kira masa.
Kita pun sebenarnya punya fungsi yang sama.. cuma cara yang berbeza.. Kita kan dah berikrar hari2 dalam syahadah. so kalau tak buat, ape cerita tu?!
Ok cuba sehabis baik, sampaikan walau sepatah. Satu ayat.. semoga dikira sebagai Usaha :)
Tak habis manis si Raihan ni dekat Ta'lim dia sambung dekat WhatsApp.
harini Ahad birthday dia, aku memang tak tahu langsung. Biasalah FB ada. Tengah scroll2 FB, then nampak orang wish birthday. Aku terus WhatsApp dia wish lima enam kerat.. wish dari hati.. bagi tahu dia dengan tujuan sama-sama mengingati kenyataan "expired date" kita sebagai manusia.
Walau pahit untuk mendapat ucapan sebegitu rupa, tapi dia response sangat positif.
Ada satu ayat dia yang sangat touching, sampai aku pun tak boleh nak create sebegitu rupa..
Andai diizinkan Allah, mudah-mudahan kita bertemu di syurga nanti,
sambil mengimbau kenangan di sepanjang perkenalan di Majlis Ta'lim.
Tak ke nak nangis baca ayat harapan macamni? orang yang tahu hakikat kehidupan sementara dan syurga yang kekal selamanya.
Tiba-tiba aku rasa kecil sangat. Betapa dia dah dulu didepan..kayuh laju-laju nak ke syurga.
Allah..
Maaf la ye, bukan sengaja nak gunakan istilah-istilah "macam gudgud" je dalam blog ni. Tapi ni la usaha, didikan aku pada diri sendiri nak masuk Syurga.
contoh la, kalau orang tu nak pergi London, dia selalu la search tempat-tempat, jalan kat sana yang best-best. So ni juga mungkin usaha ciput aku nak ke Sana.
Tolong jangan alergik ye.
Journal : For me to know (d)
Antara suka ke terpaksa terima
Acaner nak mulakan cerita ey? Petang tu berjalan macam
biasa dengan Eida..Hanya kami berdua.
Seperti biasa, cerita biasa-biasa yang
ringan-ringan.. untuk ketawa kami berdua. Tapi ayat penyataan yang satu langkah
menghampiri Stesen LRT tu menggangu siaran dalam kepala.
Eida :
Ath, Eida dapat interview SPA
Ath :
Government?
Eida :
a’ah..dah lama pun tak update tapi diorang panggil untuk gred N27
Ath :
waa, Tahniah..bila kena pi temuduga?
Eida :
Rabu minggu depan.
Terpancar kegembiraan di wajah Eida. Haha.
Tak sampai hati nak cakap “are u going to leave
Bank Islam?” dalam maksud yang sama “Eida nak tinggalkan Ath?”
Legal ke kalau aku tanya macam tu? ..selfish wei
namanye.
Dan Isnin lepas tu, Kak Shima call cakap dia pun
dapat emel temuduga N27.. Dah 6 tahun dia tak sentuh langsung system SPA tu,
tiba-tiba je dapat jemputan temuduga.
Gembira dia cerita.
Nah, dua orang yang aku kenal rapat kat Bank Islam
ni bakal meninggalkan organisasi ni. Kemungkinan besar..Aku tak mampu bagi
apa-apa response selain senyum dan ucap Tahniah wish Good Luck. Itu kan format
standard.
Sungguh la, kalau ikut perangai budak-budak aku..
dah lama reaksi hentak-hentak kaki menangis tarik-tarik baju cakap jangan
pergi.
Kalau sekarang nak buat camtu, mau nya aku kena
label “gile”.. tak ke?
No No.. jangan pentingkan diri Ath.
Allah know how much you love people around you. If
He want to take them away, Trust Him.
Seronok, memang la..orang yang meninggalkan lebih
mudah dari yang kena tinggal..
Bayangkan, hari-hari tanpa mereka?
Bayangkan hakikat, bila tak lagi akan berjumpa
dengan mereka..
Cuba bayangkan..
Kau je yang tak berani Ath, hadapi kenyataan.
Susah la ada jiwa sentimental ni.
**Tendang pintu
Are you even listening to yourself?
I'm only me. That is all I can be. No more, no less,
dont second guess. I love, I live, I laugh, I cry.
Some days I'm funny, others I'm not,
sometimes I'm in overdrive and I can't stop.
You may not like me, but that's okay because this
is me and how I'll stay..
Good people in my life.
Firman Allah swt
Maksudnya :
"Dan janganlah engkau memalingkan wajah dari
manusia (kerana sombong), dan janganlah engkau berjalan di bumi dengan berlagak
sombong; sesungguhnya Allah tidak suka kepada tiap-tiap orang yang sombong
takbur, lagi membanggakan diri."
(Surah Luqman : 18)
Journal : For me to know (c)
Random post
Antara sedar dengan tidak je aktiviti aku memang
bertukar.
Dah kurang masuk Mall.
Kalau tak kerana hari-hari kena masuk KLCC untuk
tempuh LRT, memang pecah rekod la kut.
Nasib la ada jugak nak cerita kalau orang tanya,
boleh goreng aku tau KLCC .. whouh! Bangga yang pura-pura..
Padahal, ….the rest is history
Tak sedar sebab masa berjalan sangat pantas. Jumaat
ke Jumaat berganti seakan kerdipan mata.
Itu tandanya hujung dunia kian menyapa.
Takut tak?
Sungguh aku takut.. Masa dan ketika teringat hari
yg satu tu. Hati jadi kecut.
Bila dalam keadaan leka lagho tak ingat apa, mana
ingat.
Allah… (panjang Nama pencipta disebut dalam hati)
Sekarang ni, Alhamdulillah ada masa hadirkan diri
menyelit dalam kuliah2 lepas kerja.. kalau tak ke Danau Kota, Aku ke Darul
Murtadza setiap Jumaat.
Memang penat, tapi serta merta lenyap bila hidu bau
aroma dalam masjid tu..
Jumaat Lepas, lepas je berjalan kaki dengan Eida
dari Office ke Klcc, entah macamana, hati ni tiba-tiba sayu..
Mungkin efek dengar cerita Nadia GA tentang
kehidupan dia bekeluarga. Muda lagi Nadia ni.
29 kut.
Aku la pun yang mula bertanya tentang usia
perkahwinan dia.
Curious sangat, hambek kau.
Dia cerita yang dia dah kahwin almost 3 years..then
every weekend gilir-gilir balik rumah mak dan mak mertua. Pasal small2 things
kalau barang hilang tak jumpa kat rumah sendiri, cari kat umah persinggahan..
iaitu umah mak masing-masing, Seronok dengar dia cerita sambil ketawa.
rasa tempias Rasa Bahagia dia.
Tak payah dia nak cakap directly dia Gembira.
Aku boleh cerna sendiri apa.
Sebenarnya bukan itu semata sebab nya, hmm
Then, dalam train, hati membuat permintaan pada
minda
Minda kata; Nak rasa “ real soothing bliss feeling”
gosh I’m a girl.
What do you expect?!
Of course it an essential.
Berat rasa hati ni… berat permintaan ni wahai hati.
Terkadang rasa , Ajal tu lagi dekat dari Jodoh - Ath88.
Sampai je kat kereta, enjin di hidupkan. tingkap di
buka seluas-luasnya.
Nampak sorang demi seorang tuan empunya kereta
masuk dalam perut kereta masing-masing. Ada yang berdua.. dan ada yang bersama
buah betik jajan balik kerja.
Tingkap di tutup dan air-cond switched-On
Nyaman. Namun dada terasa sesak. Tanda ada air
jernih yang bakal mengalir dari birai mata..
Dibiarkan hati dan minda melawan rasa..
Bila dah rasa lega.. kenderaan memecut ke Masjid
Danau Kota.
Harini Kuliah Prof Dr Norhayati
Kenal?
Bila sampai je, Pakir luar semua penuh. Tahu tak
aku gamble park mane?
Kat tempat ada tanda “Khas Parking Penceramah”
Cuak jugak, tapi orang dah mula solat kat dalam tu. Redah je.. Nakal kn
Tajuk ceramah : Bahagia sampai Syurga
Pernah tak bila ada masalah, gi dengar kuliah,
lepas tu ayat-ayat di sampaikan seakan memujuk hati.
Meresap masuk. Sembuh sebentar. Lerai ikatan
kecelaruan dalam kepala.
Sorang-sorang tertunduk bila mata dah mula berkaca.
Konon salin nota guna Handphone.
Hujung jari dah menyeka mata.
Kesimpulannya : I ain't good. No Good… always under
construction and process.
Nota Kuliah
Saat yang telah berlalu ( Jauh )
saat akan datang (Never promise)
Sekarang ( Present ) - Hadiah
Cuba Nilai diri kita dan masa yang tiga tu..
p/s : Selalu gi kuliah dengan Sayla & Shazmin.
Journal: For me to know (b)
Assalamualaikum.
2 May 2013
Dah lama sangat tak ada deringan telefon mengajak
aku makan tengah hari since Kak Shima cuti melahirkan anaknya yang kedua.
Sungguh aku tak salahkan sesiapa. Memang bukan
salah sesiapa pun.. dah besar panjang, hanya mengada manja tu je tak habis.
Anak sulung memang macamni kot.
Hehh does it make sense?
Padan pun bila aku terperap kat workstation waktu
Lunch hour ada suara-suara sarkastik menyapa
Si polan :
Awak tak keluar makan?
Ath :
tak, malas laa.. kejap lagi gi kuliah zohor je.
Si polan :
Kak Shima awak tak ada, patah kaki eh?
gulp! hoi kasar bahasa .. ( jawapan dalam hati ) namun yang tersuara…
Ath : haha a’ah
Kak Shima je yang rajin ajak saya makan.
Cabut!
Lepak surau lagi bahagia dari berhadapan dengan
individu berduri.
Aku just tak nak menggangu kawan-kawan kat
department lain.. Yelah, mereka dah ada Gang masing-masing.. kerja pun
belambak, kalau aku call tak pasal je
aura serba salah mereka nak menolak permintaan aku gi makan.
Sekali sekala, ada la jugak buzz Eida. Tapi rasa
ganggu dia pulak kena makan dengan aku ni. Aku ni pun satu, kalau ramai-ramai
tu susah sikit nak adapt. Kang diorang cerita bab yang aku tak faham.. tak ke
jadi kambing masuk kandang kerbau. hahahaha..
Deringan telefon berbunyi dan sekilas jam di
desktop di pandang sekilas. 12:23 PM
Kak Shima :
Assalamualaikum,
Suara yang amat dikenal. Dah lama tak dengar. Serta
merta senyuman terukir.
Ath :
Waalaikumussalam ..eyy…Kak Shima. Welcome back
Kak Shima :
Kenapa tak call akak? tengok dah tak jadi orang No 1 dah.
Ath :
siapa No 1?
Dalam kepala dah boleh meneka gerangan yang No 1.
tentulah Kak Su the great lady. Ayu je.
Kak Shima :
Kak Su, hehe sebab akak ada order barang tadi. emm Jom makan dah lama tak makan
dengan awak.
Ath :
Ok pukul 1 kan?
Boleh ke nak menolak? Pelawaan kakak sorang tu yang
dah lama tak jumpa.
Letak je ganggang telefon, senyuman terbentuk.
See, how a simple call can make people happy?
Allah, bagaimanalah agaknya rasa orang bercinta. Tentu lebih bahagia. Sisa
Ukhuwah ni pun dah gembira.
Hoi minda tu memang sah philosophy tak bertauliah.
ngee~ berjalan je..
Terasa sangat perlukan sokongan sejak 2, 3 minggu
kebelakangan ni di tempat kerja bila, dalam department sendiri seakan
menghentam motivasi yang selama ni aku bina.
kerja berlambak, dan my upper officer seakan mafia
yang reckless .. Sabtu lepas kelas mesti datang office sudahkan kerja. Bila
hari biasa, balik lambat. Semuanya di longgok kan atas meja aku tanpa sepatah
kata.
Ingat lagi petang Jumaat lepas, 6:40 pm. Aku burst
jugak la.. mencurah air mata bila Kak Mimah sendiri datang tempat aku
bertanya “ are u ok? “
Soalan camtu biasanya di ajukan bila mereka tahu
aku tak ok.. Hmm past is past kn.. cumanya harap sangat la officer aku sorang
ni grow up!
Jumpa Kak Shima first day, dia dah belanja aku
makan spagethi, katanya dia dah janji sebab aku tolong dia masa dia dalam
pantang.. (Don’t have to mention here)
Mana nak cari kakak camni?
Habis cerita semua keluar dalam masa sejam tu. Dia
memilih untuk duduk secara sebelah menyebelah.. senang nak cakap katanya.
Hehe.
Well, I still owe her big things! Big one…
Nantilah…
Journal: For me to know (a)
Assalamualaikum Blog,
Usual post. Journal
Today is Sunday. Seawal 7:30 pagi aku memecut
kereta ke LRT Gombak. 120km/J .
Serius best bawak kereta laju-laju. Andrenalin
mengalir laju, Memberi Fokus pada JalanRaya dengan sepenuhnya..
Naik bosan dah pergi LRT tu. Hari-hari kot. Nasib
tak elergi je. Maunye naik merah2 satu badan.
Sungguh la aku ni ada perangai cepat bosan. Cuma
yang bezanya, motivasi dalaman penggerak aku dalam kehidupan seharian ni yang
jadi “momentum yang force” aku melangkah demi keredhaanNya.
Kalau nak ikut perangai rebel aku yang dulu, good
bye la. hehh
Perangai lama, sebelum kena Clorox. Sekarang dah ok
sikit..
Tarbiyah kuat.
Mujahadah jangan sampai rebah.
Tapi kadang-kadang,
tergelincir jugak.
Haishk, bila nak kenang semula sejarah lama, malu
giler pada diri sendiri.
Kelas as usual, just having fun in the class while
listening the lecture.
Sepatutnya kena luruskan niat belajar kerana Allah
& ilmu.. but somehow, hasutan syaiton tu kan yang lebih berpengalaman dan
hidup lebih senior atas muka bumi ni lebih canggih skill pengaruh manusia lemah
macam aku ni.
Balik rumah, home alone, dapat SMS dari ibu katanya
pergi rumah kawan Abah.
Sampai je rumah, hempas kan badan kat kerusi depan
TV. segala channels di tekan.
Selalunya aku layan Movie.. ada cerita action SWAT
tajuknya.
memang suka layan cerita action. Masa ni je la pun
dapat control TV, kalau ada ninja 2 dua org kat rumah. dorang asik tgok Bola,
bola bola..
tak faham! Sungguh!
Dari duduk sampai la ter baring depan TV.
Fikiran sesekali terbang kat tempat kerja
menghitung hari Kak Shima habis pantang.
Sebetulnya aku tak tahu berapa lama dah dia cuti.
Kakak sorang tu la tempat bermanja. Dia je melayan
aku.. haha
Rindu menerjah ruang kepala
Tear flowing & heart ache
Assalamualaikum,
I was go through this a bit long article and worth reading.
Note to self.
as this world, soon we have to leave it.
haha, kali ni come back dgn entry English version.
Happy reading. sesuai untuk semua lapisan masyarakat.
terutama Remaja, belia. Yang hati dan fikirannya masih bercabang-cabang.
____________
Tears kept flowing from her eyes. She was shattered. She
could not believe history was repeating itself for her. I mean it's one thing
to go through a heart break once, but to experience it for the tenth time...?
Unbelieveable!
Gradually her tears stopped. The pain subsided. But only to
be replaced by anger. Suddenly, she was furious. Furious at herself, for
allowing this to happen to her again. Furious at the world for breaking her
once more. And furious even at the decree...why did not God help her? But with
this thought, she felt guilty and contaminated. Putting aside all the ugly
thoughts, she did the only thing she could think of in the midst of all the suffocating
heartache: she cried and she prayed to Allah.
She decided she was going to get her lost love back. She was
going to pray and pray. But at the same time, she knew something was wrong. I
mean when:
*Allah makes you go through the same kind of trials again
and again, there must be a lesson He wants you to master.*
And this was like the tenth time or so she had become so
close to someone. This is a type of a relationship when at first two people
like each other. Then the friendship grows. And then, you don't realize when,
but soon it grows into obsession. And you no longer can live without that
person. You want to spend each second with him/her. And anyone who does not let
you is immediately seen as a hindrance, a rival. Envy grows. And you can do anything
and every thing for your beloved. Every second spent apart is agony. And this
is no exaggeration! You even forget to keep in mind the Islamic limits when
this beloved comes around; all you can literally see is this one person and
his/her benefits! Your happiness and sadness becomes tied with this person and
revolves around him/her. It's dependant like in a math equation. This beloved
says something, you do it. In short, literally, this beloved becomes your new
'ilaah'!
She was not experiencing this for the first time. She had
done this before. Many times. And each time as promising as the relationship
looked, it always ended up collapsing. Like a snow man; no matter how much you
try to beautify it, it melts in the end. It always melts...
She knew all these years, she had been over using her mind.
No wonder her brain was numb now. She was so drained, she felt quite
emotionless. Comfortably numb.
She did not know where she did wrong each time? She always
gave it her all; she would be selfless, loving, caring, honest and would
sacrifice. So why could she never make the love stay?
But then maybe she knew all along what was wrong. Don't they
say you are born on this 'natural disposition' (fitrah) and so you just know
when you devaite from living la ilaha ilaaAllah? She had to do a deep analysis
of her life; she could not handle to let the history repeat again. She just
could not. She was sure something had been done wrong by her, time and again -
she just did not know what - yet. But she planned to find out. She was going to
change.
*Because sometimes Allah removes people from our lives for a
reason. And we need to think about it before we go running after them.*
*Months later* -
She now knew where she had been wrong all along. She now
knew why she had to suffer one loss after another of loved ones. She was hurt
but now there was another pain in her heart, more overwhelming than any other:
she had wasted her entire life going against the very purpose of her existence.
She had not been living la ilaha illaAllah, she had spent her love, her
emotions, feelings, her heart - all in the very wrong places. This love did not
belong there and that is why it never reciprocated.
*Because the moment we love *anything* more than our creator,
that very thing we love more will become the cause of our greatest pain.*
But she had a positive side to it as well. Despite all the
wasted years, she had learned something. Something productive. She won't be
forgetting it anytime soon. She now knew:
*that one does not need to be heartless; you just need to
use your heart less.*
She was now ready to embrace the solution which she had been
running away from all along. The solution of 'letting go'. Instead of holding
on. As painful as it does sound, sometimes it becomes the only way out. But
many are too coward to admit it, even to themselves and they keep on holding on
with so much strength that it hurts - all the while they ignore the answer in
front of them; JUST LET GO.
Sometimes because the picture we've made into our minds of
what will happen if it does work & we don't have to let go is so vivid,
so beautiful that in order for it to be true, we just don't want to look at any
other scenario. But we fail to realize that reality is real than our fantasy
and we live in this reality, so there's no good in making a fantasy bubble hiding in it. Because when that bubble would explode, the only one
going to be hurt is you.
Or because we keep on telling ourselves 'One more time, it
might just work', although there's nothing really left there to work on. As
much as it might hurt, there's no point in hanging on when there's nothing
left...
There's sometimes no point in thinking about the past
memories. 'What once was' is not anymore. It's gone. Once what was beautiful
has now gone and is now ugly. Accept that despite the heartache because the
other option is dwelling in a non-existant painful world. Once you do walk
away, you set yourself free from a lot of invisible chains which were otherwise
binding you. You see a new world to which you were blind before. When Allah has
promised to come to us running when we go to Him walking, who wants who more? I
mean it's like:
*if the full moon loves you, why worry about the stars?*
Allaah has placed in everyone that He has created, a heart
which must be filled; either with enslavement to Allaah, or to other than
Allaah. Every single heart has feelings, desires and inclinations. The question
is: will those feelings, desires and inclinations be directed to and for Allaah
alone, or will they be directed to other than Allaah!
*Because Shirk occurs when we humans love, trust or fear the
creation more than the Creator. *
* Never love someone too much because that too much can hurt
you so much.*
If being ‘in love’ means our lives are in pieces and we are
completely broken, miserable, utterly consumed, hardly able to function, and
willing to sacrifice everything, chances are it’s not love. Despite what we are
taught in popular culture, true love is not supposed to make us like drug
addicts.
Your all love should be and is for Allah alone. It was
always meant to be for Him alone. He will never let you down. He will take care
of you and your feelings.
Please understand this before it's too late, before your
heart breaks in the most painful manner: love your Creator because these
humans? They don't know how to be loyal and how to love back.
The humans don't have it in them. The amount of love, the
intensity, the level of attachment, the quality of care, the hours that you
crave from these humans, they can never fulfill your demand. They will get
tired of you.
You see, you were created to love Allah. With as much
intensity as you want. How could you ever let yourself believe some human could
give you that love?
By creating you as His slave, He created you free.
Completely free. You had freedom; freedom from fears, heartaches, rejection
from the creation, dependence on humans, begging them for love and care...
By turning away from this gift of freedom, you enslaved
yourself. You entered into this prison of desires, pain, fear, hope and trust
in the humans, by choice.
In just being a slave of Allah, you have freedom and
security. In being a slave of every creation, there is fear of loss and
restlessness.
Remember bearing witness to la ilaha illAllah has two parts:
A negation first. Then an affirmation.
First you say and believe la ilaha. By doing so, you free
your heart of every enslavement.
Then you affirm: illAllah. Now you are a slave of Him alone.You
were born free. Don't die a prisoner..
So don't even think that by loving someone that crazily, by
that amount of infatuation & obsession, you'll get what you want. No,
it won't ever work out. You'll have to return bruised, hurt, broken, in pain and
disappointed. Besides, you'll lose that loved one. So don't even try to
try...what's the point?
No matter how much you love that person, he won't return
back tht much love. Love Allah, only He will take care of you.
* Because we'll suffer every time we lose sight of this
simple truth: we were born to love Allah. *
So after all, is not Jannah *the* place? That place where
you can really have all you could possibly ever desire? Where there exists
happiness ever after, for real. We all want ever lasting happiness, we just
become foolish enough to look for it on the wrong side of death.
In complete silence, sitting alone at night, she thought.
Once again, she thought. Going through her past, she once again felt the
silent, crushing pain of her mistakes. Soon, it took over her already aching
heart and the pain became agony.
Images of her past flasing before her eyes, her mind
whirled. She closed her eyes. And two simple, transparent tears dropped down
her cheeks; the only quiet reflection of her broken soul.
But she wipes away those tears. And tightened the scarf
around her. She was going to walk away from all the shirk and infatutaion. She
was going to live for Her Creator, Who had given her another chance.
She locked the door and began to walk in the silent, cold
night. With each step she was leaving behind her wasted past. She was doing it
for Allah. She was walking away.
*Because your peace of mind and stillness of
heart must be based on your relationship with God, and not the world or anyone
or anything in it. If you are right with God, you are right.*
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